Living Life with RAD

As I was reading all of the comments about my post: "Dad ... I Broke Something", I realized once again how very difficult it is for anyone to understand life with a child who deals with attachment issues, unless they have lived it.  It is very easy to think, "My kids are accident prone, too"  or  "My kids have dropped a plate or two in their life".  But ... sadly ... it is so much more.  More than a broken car mirror ... more than a few plates that were dropped. It's the BIG picture, of life with a child with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder).

I took the following list off of THIS website.  It says that if your child has more than a few items (five or so) ... and/or any of the last 3 items, than your child may be experiencing attachment related problems.

If you don't have a child with RAD,

if you don't fully understand RAD,

I would encourage you to PLEASE

read this list carefully, and try your

best to imagine what life would be

like if you had a child or two with RAD.

This website says that your child may have

attachment related problems if they have

5 or more of the following issues ...

Here is the reality of life with our Ghanaian children:

Remember Jacob ... the son that we had

to find a new home for (see Adoption Disruption 

and The Crisis in the archives) ...

While Jacob was living here for 2 1/2 years,

he dealt with 30 of the following 36 issues.

Our Little Miss #1 deals with 11 of the 36 issues.

And, Little Miss #2 deals with 23 of the 36 issues.

It's not easy.  

Not easy, at all.

1.  My child teases, hurts, or is cruel to other children.

2.  My child can't keep friends for an 

     age-appropriate length of time.

3.  My child doesn't do as well in school as my child 

     could do even with a little more effort.

4.  My child pushes me away or becomes stiff when 

     I try to hug, unless my child wants something from 

    me, in which case my child can be affectionate 

    and engaging.

5.  My child argues for long periods of time, 

     often about meaningless or silly things.

6. My child has a large need to control everything.

7.  My child is hyper-vigilant.

8.  My child acts amazingly innocent, or pretends 

     that things aren't really bad or a problem when 

     caught doing something wrong.

9.  My child does dangerous things such as runs 

     away, jumps out of windows, or other 

     potentially harmful actions. 

10.  My child seems oblivious to the fact 

        that my child may be hurt.

11. My child deliberately breaks 

      or ruins his things or other's things.

12.  My child doesn't seem to feel age-appropriate 

       guilt when my child does something wrong.

13.  My child is impulsive. 

14. My child seems unable or unwilling to stop 

      doing something my child wants to do.

15. My child teases, hurts, or is cruel to animals.

16.  My child steals, or shows up with things 

       that belong to others with unbelievable, 

       unusual, or suspicious reasons for how 

      my child got these things.

17.  My child likes to sneak things without permission, 

        even though my child could have had these 

       things if my child had asked.

18.  My child doesn't seem to learn from mistakes, 

       consequences, or punishments (my child 

       continues the behavior despite the consequences).

19.  My child makes false reports of abuse or neglect. 

20.  My child tries to get sympathy from others, or tries 

       to get us in trouble, by telling others that I abuse, 

       don't feed, or don't provide the basic necessities.

21.  My child seems not to experience pain when hurt, 

        refusing to let anyone provide comfort.

22.  My child does not usually ask for things. 

       My child demands things.

23.  My child lies, often about obvious or ridiculous things, 

       or when it would have been easier to tell the truth.

24.  My child is quite bossy with other children and adults.

25.  My child hoards, sneaks food, or has other unusual 

       eating habits (eats paper, raw sugar, non-food items, 

       package mixes, baker's chocolate, etc.)

26.  My child often does not make eye contact when 

       adults want to make eye contract with my child.

27.  My child has extended temper tantrums.

28.  My child chatters non-stop, asks repeated 

       questions about things that make no sense, 

       mutters, or is hard to understand when talking.

29.  My child is accident-prone (gets hurt a lot), 

       or complains a lot about every little ache and 

       pain (needs constant attention).

30.  My child acts cute or charming to get 

        others to do what my child wants.

31.  My child is overly friendly with strangers.

32.  My child has set fires, or is preoccupied with fire.

33.  My child prefers to watch violent cartoons 

        and/or TV shows or horror movie (regardless 

       of whether or not you allow your child to do this).

34.  My child was abused/neglected during the first 

        year of life, or had several changes of primary

       caretaker during the first several years of life.

35.  My child was in an orphanage for 

       more than the first year of life.

36.  My child was adopted after 

        the age of twelve months.


I hope this has helped you to have a little glimpse into the lives of children who struggle with attachment related issues.  While we do NOT ... at ALL ... regret adopting our children, we are continually doing our best to understand what makes them tick ... and to help them to live the very BEST life that they may be able to live.  


Hopefully ... prayerfully ... we will be able to work through many of these issues.  But ... it will take TIME ... PATIENCE ... WISDOM ... and PERSEVERANCE.  Only by the GRACE of GOD, will we know how to raise up these precious daughters to be independent, fully-integrated young adults, who are able to function well in today's American society.